Transitions, they can be painful

Ok. Wow. So I renamed this blog "A Mission in Transition" in October 2017. Drafted a couple of posts between now and then, but never published them. The meaning of this name, however, has eluded me until now.

Since 2003, Nate Cummings and I have had such an amazing life together. We traveled to Catalina Island, Mexico, Jamaica and Belize together. We created an incredible daughter together, who surprises me every day. She shows such intense empathy and expresses her feelings in appropriate ways. It is indescribable how it feels to have had a hand in molding such an impressive human.

My husband and father of my daughter, Nate Cummings, passed away unexpectedly on December 5, 2018. Just 10 days from his 38th birthday. His death has been attributed to heart failure, although he had zero signs or symptoms up until his final moments. He was a heavy cigarette smoker, which I am sure did not help combat these heart issues.

I have been completely devastated by his loss. Most days I could just lay on my back and stare at the ceiling for hours before realizing I should probably be doing something else. I cry every day. I miss him every day. I still want to be here for my daughter, but not sure what I would be thinking without her existence.

This stuff is hard. This stuff sucks. I am not sure how to educate or advise another about how to deal with this kind of loss. It is the most terrible thing I could ever imagine. And I don't think anyone should be able to imagine this tragedy.

So here begins this ultimate "Mission in Transition" because I am not really sure where to go from here.